As a child, I didn’t feel that different from others my age. Many autistic people describe feeling like an alien, and thinking they were “odd” from a very young age. For me, it was only when it came to the teenage years that I first realised that I was different. When I started high school, I began feeling more and more distant from my peers. I couldn’t relate to people beginning to complain about their parents, because I still loved spending time with mine. When I went to friends’ houses for sleepovers, I was surprised their cuddly toys had disappeared. While I continued describing what I’d learned at school as ‘interesting’ or expressed love for my hobbies, it had suddenly become uncool to be passionate about something. My interests were no longer received by enthusiasm from my peers. Now, it was more “jeez calm down, it’s not that cool” when I showed excitement, or “ok…and?” when I shared a fun fact. I had this feeling that whilst everyone was growing up, I had been left behind.
Recently, I was curious whether this childlike behaviour stemmed from being autistic or not (spoiler alert: it does). I decided to look online to see if others felt the same way; however, instead of finding reassurance, I found an article talking about ‘age-inappropriate interests’ in autism. I was baffled. I was stuck wondering ‘who decides what is appropriate or not?’ The more I investigated this idea, the more I felt that the choices of what is deemed ‘age-inappropriate’ seem so arbitrary.
There are many interests that are prevalent in society – such as sport and music. I am an avid fan of both; and I also like LEGO, Rubik’s cubes, and monkeys. In my head, I get joy out of all of these equally. If it weren’t for society’s preconception of appropriateness, I wouldn’t think about them differently. But I am aware that people will say things like “what’s your obsession with LEGO?” or “why do you carry a monkey around with you?” in judgemental tones; and that on the other hand, nobody will bat an eyelid if I say I like football or I’m going to a concert.
This is the same for many common interests. Though society deems them as “childish” there are likely adult fans of every possible hobby. Who decided that supporting a football team or liking a band was ‘allowed,’ but an interest in Thomas the Tank Engine or collecting toys was “inappropriate”? In both situations adults are getting joy out of something they love.
If calling interests ‘age inappropriate’ wasn’t hurtful enough, the article stated autistic people can ‘think and behave like children’ regarding special interests. Is happiness and excitement not an adult thing? Just because someone is over 18, they now have to be boring and dull? Surely not. However, it then comes back to society’s classification of hobbies as appropriate or not. I’ve already deciphered why this is an issue, so the excuses are getting thin now.
The author then went on to state that ‘unexpected, passionate interests can be off-putting,’ and that special interests can ‘undermine’ an autistic person even if that person is ‘intelligent, articulate, hardworking, and good natured.’ I began to get frustrated at this point. I struggle to wrap my head around why some interests are viewed as “expected,” whilst others are “unexpected” and “inappropriate.” It seems that the problems are stemming from the view of the non-autistic person in this situation. They are the ones being put off or jumping to conclusions about someone based on their interests. They are the ones undermining autistic people.
Perhaps, I started to think, the judgement of special interests comes from a lack of understanding. I would argue that in the area of interests and the joy that comes with them, autistic people are the ones doing it right. Though autism makes many areas of life more challenging, special interests are not one. If you’ve had a hard day, I believe there’s nothing better than immersing yourself in your special interest and letting your battery recharge. Special interests are so overcome with benefits, that I don’t understand why some people are so judgemental and rude about them.
Very often, any issues with autistic special interests seemed to be coming from allistic people (with no experience of the joy that accompanies these interests) who had decided it’s a problem that needs to be curbed.
Take LEGO, for example. There is a perception that this is a hobby aimed at children, however I watch videos about LEGO online (made by adults); I go to shows where LEGO is displayed (by adults), and I buy LEGO sets marketed at ages 18+. In the case of LEGO, there is even a term ‘adult fans of LEGO’ (AFOLs) for this large audience. Still, I often feel insecure about the fact my hobby is a “kid’s toy.”
Once I was with a group of my peers, and people were telling each other what their advent calendars were. That year, I had bought the LEGO advent calendar. I was very excited about it, and to prove how important it was to me, I had stayed up until 12am on release day to make sure I got it. Yet, when I told the girls, with much excitement to share my cool advent calendar, I was met with “oh…” s and blank looks. One girl even said, “I used to love LEGO… when I was a kid.” With the key word here being “kid,” I found this utterly disheartening and didn’t tell anybody else about my advent calendar that year.
Though she would have never meant to upset me, it’s sadly a common occurrence for autistic people to feel judged or even ridiculed because of their special interests. I never understand why allistic people are so down on the all-encompassing joy we get from our interests. I’ve always wondered that if allistic people could experience autistic joy, they would feel differently – because it’s hardly a negative.
I eventually did find a more positive thread online where many autistic people felt in the same boat as me. One person said, “We tend to be truer to ourselves and not just drop our hobbies, prized possessions, and special interests just because society has arbitrarily decided that they no longer match what we should like, or value based on our chronological age.” I really loved the way this person sums it up.
Special interests are a benefit of being autistic, that bring joy and love into our lives. They should be supported and nurtured in any way they can.
(The article I am talking about can be found at https://www.verywellhealth.com/age-inappropriate-interests-and-behaviors-in-autism-5190904)
I am autistic 