I am autistic

For as long as I can remember, I have hated public transport. To me, buses, trains, and subways have been shrouded in fear, discomfort, and dread. I think a lot of autistic people feel the same way – but why? 

To start with, public transport is very challenging on the senses. Whether it be someone playing music out loud or talking loudly; someone eating a strong-smelling food or wearing perfume; someone sitting close to you or having to stand up if there are no seats – this is all very overwhelming. 

Another factor is unpredictability. One of the biggest things I struggle with is lack of control. People could be dropping litter or putting their feet on the seats – and while this is distressing for me (as I struggle with people not following rules) there is nothing I can do about it. 

Timings, as well, can be unpredictable. Being late causes me extreme anxiety, and buses and trains are late all the time. If I have a plan for the day and it can be thrown off by something I have no control over, this could cause my anxiety to spiral and this could ruin my day. 

Public transport is also very busy. Especially during rush hour, there might not be enough seats for everyone. It could be over-crowded and cramped and this means the sensory overload I mentioned above is even bigger. Having people too close to me makes my skin crawl, and I will begin to panic. This makes it harder to deal with potential triggers like noises and smells, or being late – and eventually this could lead to a meltdown.

As you can imagine, having to cope with all of this can cause autistic people to find public transport very difficult. For me, this was exactly the case – as well as some traumatic memories I have around public transport. 

When I was in primary school, we got taken to a place called The Risk Factory. It was designed to educate children about safety in day-to-day like. However, it scared the living daylight out of me instead! We were told horror stories about people getting stuck on train tracks and buses crashing. One of the main traits of my autism is sensitivity and an inability to cope with distressing information. This experience – part of normal school life for most – left me with nightmares and extreme anxiety.

On top of this, my mum once got on the London Underground as the doors shut, whilst my dad and I were still on the platform. To 7-year-old me, who was very anxious, I was terrified, and I remember screaming my head off until the driver let us on. You might be thinking “but that was over 10 years ago!”, but having an autistic brain means that things that may seem small to others, have a long-lasting impact on me. 

When you take this all into account, it is not surprising that I have struggled so much with public transport. 

As I was getting older and trying to gain independence, my challenges with public transport were my main barrier. I knew I needed to get over them, and that this would be no easy feat. I needed a plan. 

Firstly, I wanted to tackle a route that I would use a lot (which was going to school in a different town). This was helpful to me as I felt as though I was making meaningful process, instead of undertaking journeys just for the sake of it. Being able to see the end goal is a very crucial part of how I learn.

So, my dad and I came up with a multi-step plan, that would hopefully build me up to independent travel. The first time I went to school on the train my dad accompanied me all the way. It was helpful for me to have him there so he could show me what to do and to help calm my nerves. From there, we then went to my dad leaving me at the station and letting me walk to school; then him leaving me on the platform and letting me board the train myself; and so on and so on – until eventually I could do the whole journey by myself.

For a neurotypical 17-year-old, this might not have been a big deal. But to me, it was a huge achievement. It took a lot of determination and problem-solving, but since conquering public transport, I feel like the world is my oyster. It has given me so much more freedom and flexibility, and I can go practically anywhere I want to, by myself. I believe the progress I have made is testament to what can be done if you put your mind to it (and, of course, have a support system around you). I have come on leaps and bounds in the last year alone. 

For both buses and trains, I have developed a toolkit of skills that make it a bit easier for me. I am going to share these with you, in the hope that they resonate with you and help to make public transport easier.

• Wear ear defenders or listen to music with headphones. This blocks out a lot of the noises that could tip you into sensory overload.
• Have certain seats that you know are better for you. Whether that be they are more spacious, or you can see your next stop easier. For me, personally, it is sitting on the platform side of the train so I don’t get a fright when other trains pass. This makes train journeys a lot easier. Whatever works best for you – do it!
• Wear the Sunflower Lanyard. This helps people, such as drivers or ticket inspectors, be aware that you might need a little more patience and understanding. 
• Check routes and street view ahead of time. As they say, “fail to prepare, prepare to fail.” Keep anxiety to minimum my knowing where you will be going when you get off the bus/train.
• Give yourself plenty of time. As I mentioned above, public transport isn’t always the most reliable. To remove as much stress as possible, plan for delays and give yourself extra time just in case. 
• Avoid the news, or any stories, that might frighten you. The news is often filled with scary stories, but it is important to remember that these are pretty rare and that is why they are in the news.
• Keeping myself distracted with a book, activity, or video. If you are feeling anxious or overwhelmed, distraction techniques are always good. Try and do something that brings you joy to lift your mood!

Ironically, the day I was writing this blog post, I was coming home from Glasgow and my train got cancelled. I had to wait another 45 minutes and ended up getting a completely different, new to me, train. Though I have made great improvements, there are still things I undoubtedly struggle with because of my autism; one of these being chances of plans. 

Although it was tricky at the time, it allows a perfect opportunity to share what I do when something doesn’t quite go to plan. So, here’s what I did: (again, maybe some of these tips might come in useful for you). 

• I settled my anxious ‘what-if’ thoughts. I reminded myself that I could always get the next train, get a bus home instead, or even stay in a hotel (worst case scenario). This might sound a bit over-the-top, but it’s what I needed to think to avoid panicking. 
• I went to the disabled toilet (with my RADAR key) to get a breather.
• I took some of my layers off. It is common amongst autistic people to struggle with regulating body temperature, and this is only made worse in times of stress. 
• I remembered to breathe. Techniques such as breathing exercises or grounding techniques are great in reminding you that everything is okay and avoid a panic attack. Positive affirmations also work very similarly. My favourite affirmation is “I have done hard things before. I can do this.”
• Most importantly, I phoned my mum. It is important to remember that while you may be striving for independence, the support network around you is there for a reason. It is ok to ask for help!

Hopefully this blog post has been of use to you, or an autistic individual in your life. Good luck with your future public transport endeavours!