I am autistic

It has been over a year since I published my blog post on tips for autistic students. Now, as I am halfway through my degree (two out of four years), let’s see what I’ve learned!

My first tip was about home comforts, and I could still not agree more. I will talk about this a bit more in my upcoming blog post on student accommodation, but it is so important to have things around you that bring you joy! Please don’t be embarrassed by whatever makes you feel safe. I’ve walked around with a small monkey and heaps of fidgets in my bag all year. Nobody else needs to know they’re there (unless I trust them) and they can help me to regulate and make me happy. 

Secondly, I recommended that you leave your past experiences behind. Whilst this is still true in the way I meant it, I do also have another perspective I’d like to share. Starting university can be a challenge, especially if you have struggled at school. My approach of not letting your trauma define you still stands, and is often the easier way to manage what is such a big transition. University is such a different experience to school, and it really is a chance to do education in a way that suits you as a neurodivergent person. However, I would like to add: own your past! Your experiences are what make you who you are. If you have made it to college or university despite challenges at school, you should feel proud of your strength and resilience. 

You may also be surprised by the amount of people who have similar experiences. Though I’d describe my school journey as unique, I have come to realise that I am not alone in it. Most people I’ve talked to understand my experiences of mainstream school and are interested in my time at a specialist provision. I really do not believe you need to hide apart of yourself to fit in. As long as you have a support system and self-care skills ready for when conversations get heavy, I would recommend sharing your story. When you have trusting friendships, you might be having deep conversations at 3am and I would encourage you to talk about your experiences. Good friends will use it as a chance to understand you and be proud of your progress, and if anybody has anything negative to say, they will have made it clear they are not a good friend.

Moving on to my next two tips: spend time with people and spend time alone. ‘But that doesn’t make any sense!’ you might be thinking – and you’re right! Unfortunately for autistic brains, life is full of contradictions. The good news is it gets easier over time. I will admit that when I wrote these tips the first time around – whilst truly believing them – they weren’t always the easiest to implement. Now, one year on, I still won’t claim I have it all sorted out, but it really does get easier with practice. Knowing your limits for socialising one-on-one, in small or big groups, or in lectures, is helpful. Knowing how tired you feel at certain days and times is useful too. You won’t get it right every time. There will be times you overexert yourself socially and are left with a three-day social ‘hangover’. It is all about the balance. Sometimes in the moment it can be hard to leave a fun chat, but that 30 minutes of extra rest at home can make all the difference. But if you’re enjoying yourself, it can sometimes be worth changing your plans to stay later, especially if it’s around people you trust. It really is about knowing yourself, which you can only do if you push yourself, whilst respecting your own boundaries. One practical tip I do is tell myself (and my friends) what time I need to head home at and plan some regulating activities for when I get home. Often, I find that with a plan in place, it is easier to do what I need to, even when I am overwhelmed.

Leading nicely on to my next tip, as I said before, it will never be perfect. Accepting that there will be hard times, and some of these may be made harder by your autism, is crucial in this journey. Putting pressure on yourself to do everything right will only result in disappointment and sadness. 

More importantly, I would recommend: 

Having plans in place for when it is hard = University can be tricky, so be prepared for bumps in the road. Know what you will do after a hard day, a disappointing mark or a tiring social situation. In these cases, feeling better, no matter how you like to do so, is more important than anything else. 

Keep all bumps in perspective = No matter what your neurodivergent brain will tell you, nothing you can do will be the end of the world! Try not to trip yourself up on your own expectations. There have been changes in the last year to my university experience that I would not have expected, or have not been easy, but I am still here; getting my degree and enjoying the process. That is what matters!

Be kind to yourself = If you could take only one thing from this blog post, it would be kindness. It is often easier said than done, but please try to take little steps towards compassion and patience to your brain.

Note: neurodivergent friendly affirmations can be a great way to promote kindness towards yourself. 

In my previous blog post, I wrote: “there will be ups and downs – that is life!” I am not a fan of tough love, and on reflection, this may seem quite harsh. But this acceptance, that nobody is perfect (or rather everybody is in their own way) is so important to me. It is something I still have to work on every day, and it often goes against what your brain wants you to believe, but acceptance and kindness has made the most positive change to my mental health since starting university.

Finally, I wrote: do it your way. I’m not sure I have anything to add to this tip, as it stands true one year on. My dad always tells me, “your way is the right way,” and I would hope that every autistic person can see the truth in this and truly believe that however they choose to navigate university, no matter how different their experience to their non-autistic peers, what works for you should be most important.

Taking that last tip into account, please remember that all this advice is from my own experiences. All autistic people are different and so there may be different things that work for you.